35 Hand Puns To Whip Out Of The Bag For Any Occasion – We Love Puns (2024)

Need a bit of help finding a good pun? How about you ask for a hand…? Hand puns are always funny – they are a body part that we all have, and they are fair game for a bit of punning! We can do a lot with our hands, from picking things up, to creating beautiful art, to cooking, to gesturing and communicating. We can also create a fair few amusing puns about our hands! Looking for the best hand puns? Well, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve got you covered.

Best Hand Puns

1 The hand had committed a heinous crime! The arresting officer told it “You’re under a wrist.”

2 Have you heard about the smallest tree in the world, that you can hold in your hand? It’s called a palm tree.

3 Fingers and thumbs can quite often get into arguments. This is because the thumbs are opposable.

4 What is the most reliable body part, and why? The fingers, because you can always count on them.

5 Hands and arms are often telling each other jokes. They find it very humerus.

6 There has long been a debate about which hand it is better to write with, the right or the left. I think both answers are wrong – you should always write with a pen.

7 I went to a pub quiz, where one of the questions was “How many bones does the human hand have?” My answer was incorrect: “A handful.”

8 My poor friend had an accident recently and broke their left hand. Don’t worry though, they’re all right now.

9 I recently got a prosthetic hand. I thought playing cards would be a struggle, but luckily I can deal with it.

10 I was thrown out of gymnastics class when the teacher asked if anyone could do a handstand. I got them to place their hand on the floor, then stood on it.

11 If you don’t have a dishwasher, you may moan about washing your dishes by hand. Just bear in mind, it’s better than washing them by foot.

12 It’s best to never ask questions about a woman’s handbag. The questions are just too pursonal.

13 What’s the best time of the day? Opinion varies, but I think it’s 6.30. Hands down the best time.

14 Getting married has its ups and downs. On the one hand you have a beautiful ring, on the other hand, you don’t.

15 I was out on the ocean the other day, when I saw an enormous hand slowly rise up out of the water then sink back down. It was the biggest wave I have ever seen.

16 Restaurants can be really confusing. Everywhere there are signs saying “Employees must wash hands” – I’ve waited for hours in the past, but no one has ever washed mine.

17 Did you hear about the guy who was auditioning to be a carpenter’s hand? He nailed it.

18 I really hate when other people don’t wash their hands. In fact, I’d go so far as to say they make me sick.

19 The best bread recipe I ever came across made sure that you didn’t get messy hands mixing the dough. It’s kneadless, to say.

20 I went on a trip to Scotland. I was walking through an alleyway when I came across a severed hand! I wonder if the person was kilt…

21 I went to a barbecue with a friend, and got a little carried away before the meat was cooked. Just a tip – don’t bite the hand that feeds you. You will never be invited over again.

22 What has five fingers, but isn’t your hand? The answer is… My hand.

23 A friend wanted to go and see a statue of a raised index finger one night, but as it was dark I couldn’t see the point.

24 I used to worry that I couldn’t hold anything properly, but I was cured when someone told me to get a grip.

25 A finger walked into a bar. The barman said “Please leave. This isn’t a nail saloon.”

26 What do you call a hand with no fingers? Pointless.

27 I had a friend who kept giving me the thumbs-up. I didn’t really understand why, but it was a nice gesture.

28 I once went on a date with someone who didn’t utter a word the entire evening. It was only afterwards I realized they were deaf. I suppose I should have read the signs.

29 I met someone once with an extra finger and thumb, which would be useful in a pinch.

30 What do you call a tactile carpenter? A handyman.

31 I met a zombie in the street, he had fallen down and couldn’t get up. He was asking for a hand.

32 Some hands are incredibly rude. I waved at one the other day, and it gave me the finger.

33 There is one hand that will win any argument, every time. You’ll know which one – it’s always right.

34 Why is the left hand considered more scary than the right? Because it’s very sinister.

35 Zombies make a terrible audience. They just take it too literally when the compere says “Give them a hand…”

So there you have it – a selection of the best hand-based puns for you to whip out of the bag for any occasion. Just a tip – they work best when used in conjunction with hands though! Do you have more time to read something funny? Have you seen these or these puns?